Building a Home for One

"...Between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering. It is an impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains. They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come."

I like to start my day off with a quote because no matter what it is that I am feeling, the internet is an unlimited resource of quotes from people who have said it better than me. This quote is from one of my favorite movies Under the Tuscan Sun. (Although I have made progress concerning my other bad habits, chick flicks are still my weakness) As I have mentioned in the past, the idea of dating again (much less being married again) makes me nauseous. If you were to find me in a Webster dictionary today, it would read:

    Carolyn Carreau:

Deficient in something needed or usual.

    Synonyms: bare, blank, devoid, empty, hollow, lacking, missing, unavailable,   vacant, vacuous, wanting."

I have spent years investing myself into relationships where I was giving 150% of myself, and received very little in return, so itt only makes sense that I resemble the flaky, molten exoskeleton of a crab during puberty. Not a pretty sight and probably not a pleasant process for a crab! But there it is...

I have a habit of picking emotionally unavailable men who initially flatter my inflated Librae ego, by strutting around in front of me like a peacock trying to impress it's mate. Once I have strategically aligned my life goals and favorite TV shows with that of my peacock, that is usually about the time our relationship starts to look like one of those abandoned western towns with the tumbleweed rolling by. I begin to savor every drop of affection like water I will not see again for days.


When one finds oneself in negative patterns such as these, one must ask, "What can I change about my dating patterns so I will stop resembling molten crab shells?" The obvious answer would seem to be pick better peacocks..er..men. The problem with this logic is that the older I get, the harder it is to spot these clever masters of disguise. They become more interesting, suave, more handsome with age (one of the many upsides to being a man), and experienced. There is something about this experienced male that outshines the "nice guy." Take George Clooney for example. I am convinced after decades of watching this man date that he will be a bachelor for life. If a woman as exotic and beautiful as Elisabetta Canalis can't hold him down, where is the hope for the rest of us!

My sons father, my first love, is a lot like George Clooney. We have had a rocky on-again, off-again relationship over the past 8 years. Ironically, the older he gets the more he is starting to resemble George in looks and in his dating life. The man has enough charm to turn on a light bulb, simultaneously wooing and crippling his prey. He is the male version of myself, albeit better looking. No matter how serial his dating patterns appear, this only makes him more attractive to women. I will now join all single women around the world in a collective cry: "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!" It is a well known fact today that a man who dates around is experienced and interesting, and there is practically an entire dictionary of unsavoury labels for a woman who is just as picky. Perhaps this is why we feel pressured to hurry and make a decision in a relationship before we are labeled ourselves. I have to admit, I have participated in more than one discussion regarding females who date around and my opinion is often swayed by the general public. Until it hit me one day that instead of tearing one another down (lets face it, un-happy married women) we should all be rooting for each other and yelling, "YOU GO, GIRL!" Instead of, "Jeez...what  a skank."

I will now step off of my soapbox and get to the point. The meaning behind the quote at the beginning of my blog is this: Don't wait around for a man to start your life or for the perfect family to come along. Build your house. Take care of the family you have around you even if you are not related by blood. Someday someone wonderful may happen to you, but if they don't, you will be a richer, more beautiful, evolved person who can accept this fact.


Eleanor Roosevelt said, "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."


Of all of the things out there we could be afraid of--why is dying single one of them?