Roots

"No matter how much women prefer to lean, to be protected and suppported, nor how much men desire to have them do so, they must make the voyage of life alone, and for safety in an emergency, they must know something of the laws of navigation. To guide our own craft, we must be captain, pilot, engineer; with chart and compass to stand at the wheel; to watch the wind and waves, and to know when to take in the sail, and to read the signs in the firmament over all."


-Elizabeth Cady Stanton's last address to Congress, 1892




“...What keeps me from dissolving right now into a complete fairy-tale shimmer is this solid truth, a truth which has veritably built my bones over the last few years—I was not rescued by a prince; I was the administrator of my own rescue”


-Elizabeth Gilbert


It is Sunday morning and the house is quiet except for the hum of my computer and Pandora. It is times likes these when I do my best blogging. When I curl up in my chair with my cafe amaretto and think about my life. I have decided that I desperately want to travel. Up until this point, I had always thought my nomadic tendencies were the result of my upbringing (my parents moved at least 20 times by the time I was 14) and that when I continued this pattern as an adult, I was trying to run away from something going badly in my life. The funny thing about roots is that if you've never had them, you can't miss them. Living in Arizona for a year opened my eyes to how much of the world I was missing. This is perhaps where my ex-husband and I started to grow apart. Don't get me wrong, there will always be a special place for Paul in my heart since he was such a big part of my life for 5 years, but my traveling itch scared the bejesus out of him! He was a trooper and followed me to Arizona, but as much as I fell in love with the wildness of the desert, he was every bit as miserable. 

I was suffocating knowing that someday when my nest was empty, I would be flying alone.

This last move to South Carolina did not turn out at all how I expected, but something inside me told me that this was enough for now. I may adapt quickly after years of practice, but I remember how hard it was for me when I was younger to make new friends, and I would like for my son to have some roots. Funny thing about roots is that even though you may not desire to have them, your parental instincts tell you that your children need them. So I have settled in Charleston, South Carolina for the time being, but my heart is still out there roaming around, dreaming of the places I will see someday.

My first stop: Italy.

I have always wanted to take a trip to Europe for as long as I can remember, but lately my itch has been more specific. It is not that you can't see beautiful things from here in the good old US of A, but my desire is more to see a different way of life. To see how other people in the world relate to one another and get by without all of the extravagant things that we so desperately "need." I want to watch how they eat, drink, sleep, love, fight, and struggle in hopes that it will give me a deeper understanding of myself. Maybe the reason I have not had a need for roots yet is because I haven't found my home yet. So to prepare, I bought myself an Italian dictionary and a "Learn Italian While You Drive" cd. Don't laugh..I have decided that since I spend 3/4 of my life driving, I might as well be learning something and enjoying myself! I have an hour commute to and from work every day. So far all I've learned is, "There is a car," "There is a small car," and "There is a big car." This may not get me very far, but I have also found a group in Charleston that meets once a week to practice their Italian at a local restauraunt. Perfect!

My baby steps toward finding myself gives me a little more confidence every day. I am no longer jobless..still husbandless, but my excitement over discovering these parts of myself overshadows any previous gloom I may have had on this subject. I am not desperate. I am not waiting for someone to rescue me. I am Woman--hear me roar.